I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
