this just has baby written all over it
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
