Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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