Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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