Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
