Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
