got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Couch. On fire.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
