Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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