First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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