i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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