you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
