Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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