At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
