I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize