he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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