my mouth tastes like poor choices
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
