Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
