I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
