Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
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We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
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I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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