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So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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