i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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