my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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