Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We got so high we made milksteak
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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