also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
