She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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