I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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