And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's blow job season.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
