i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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