Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
