went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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