no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
