while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
