Soap is not a condiment
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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