Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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