apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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