My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
