Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
