Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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