about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
