k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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