ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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