I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No subtext here. People are naked.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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