I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
