That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
