just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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