What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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