Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
