yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
