you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
