I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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