last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Randomize
