i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
