I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
