She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
