Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
