I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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