My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
