I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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