You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
