good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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