nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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