my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
